Many of my momma friends are in the middle of summer chaos at home and have needed a word of encouragement. Whatever you do…if you are raising a Strong-Willed child…DON”T QUIT!!
Sitting in my office, I am listening to my 20 year old son make breakfast for his 4 year old sister. The two are laughing and giggling and referencing different silly cartoon characters. My son prepares to begin a day of back to back piano lessons as students and families come in and out of our home all day. Our son is in his Junior year studying piano performance at Sam Houston State. Each Monday and Friday I get the blessing of interacting with different moms who love to tell me about how much they enjoy the lessons, while I also listen to him teach his young students about discipline and control on the keys. The value of doing something WELL…over doing something FAST, and I have to smile. Mommas….he was my strong-willed child. Enjoy the read
The Strong-willed Child
Are you raising a strong-willed child? If you are not quite…
It’s that time of year again. We all have our favorite traditions, recipes, and rituals that we look forward too. For our family, Thanksgiving week is the highlight of the year. It usually looks like this, but could change depending on the football schedule!
Sunday – Family meeting where we plan out the Thanksgiving menu and the December events calendar.
Monday – Clean house
Tuesday – Shopping Day
Wednesday – COOKING Day followed by several games of 42 and chile for dinner!
Thursday – Thanksgiving and well…..football!
Friday – We stopped getting up early years ago, but we still look online for those Black Friday deals.
About four years ago, three friends and I put together a list of some of our favorite family recipes for Thanksgiving. Each of us get the joy of laughing and cooking with large families this week so we wanted to share these with you. Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving!!
With every baby comes a loaf of bread under its arm … Ancient Proverb
Have you ever wondered if you should even have children? Do you look at the world and think, “Why would I bring a child into this crazy world?” Or maybe you look at the bank balance and think, “There’s no way we can afford another child!” You may have one child and you are not sure about a second. When do you know you are “done”?
I firmly believe that only the Lord and your spouse can guide you in this decision. God showed us early on to trust Him with our future family size.
My journey is not unique, maybe my story will be yours.
I’ve recently been reminiscing on my life as a child and how child-less my upbringing was. In a few days, we will celebrate the 5th birthday of our eighth (and looks like our last) child.
She was born at home with five other sisters in the home awaiting her arrival. The brothers were not too far off with friends that day.
When Adaya Mercy arrived in April of 2011, I observed all my girls just watch in complete awe and amazement at what God had given them.
A new sister…
With a three-year-old in the home they were familiarized with all the ins and outs of newborns.
Don’t mess with the umbilical cord, careful with her soft spot, only mommies can give baby a bath, etc.
What struck me like a hole in my heart and literally made my breath stand still those first few days of her life was the realization that I grew up having never – not ever, been around babies or even very young kids.
Looking at all my kids at their ages when she was born….3, 6, 8, 11, 14, 16, and 18….I had to think back of where I was at all those ages.
I was living a self-focused, self-absorbed, me-centered life. I had no idea as a child, what it meant to just want to pick up a sleeping baby in order to smell her freshly washed hair and feel her cuddly newborn body up against my chest.
After she arrived, my kids would go out of their way just to find where the baby is and pick her up to feel her gentle breath on their faces.
I knew nothing of that joy as a child.
So I really didn’t miss it. Not only that, but I realized, that no one I knew had babies. None of my friends had any younger siblings around.
Even our small church seemed to be void of a nursery (or at least I never saw it as a young child). Growing up in the 70’s was like that, you may have had the same experience. I never remember even seeing a pregnant woman, let alone any babies growing up. Of course I’m sure they were around, I just never noticed.
It was my sophomore year in college before I had even seen a woman with several small children, before I ever saw someone nurse a baby. That mom’s name was Laura, and when I met her and her children in 1990, it was the first seed that God planted in my heart for having a family, a big family. I say all this because now, at 47 I am humbled and awed by God’s decision to bless us with a large family. This is a script I could have never written in a million years.
Babies were foreign to me.
As a teenager, I was selfish, and up until Jesus became the center of my life, I was headed to a life of careers and Lord only knows what else. When I gave my heart fully to Jesus, I abandoned every preconceived notion and trusted Him with the rest.
Including my womb.
He really does know what He’s doing.
He really is the Sovereign one, and He really can make the right decisions for us and our body no matter what His answer is concerning having, adopting, or simply mentoring more children. By trusting Jesus with our future, we can live a life of no regrets. Recently, my husband Joey looked at me reflectively and said, “What if we would have stopped at two kids? Then there would be empty seats at our table!” If we choose to stop, we can’t even imagine all that we would have missed out on.
I know there is comfort in control. That it is human nature for people to want to control their environment and by controlling a family size, it makes couples feel a sense of security. It can be counter-intuitive and it requires more faith to have more children than we might feel comfortable with because it can mean we must surrender control. Trusting God with your family size is a faith walk because you can’t see what’s on the other side. We can’t predict the outcome.
We must, “sow with a vision of righteousness.” Hosea 10:12
Whether you are a young mom and exhausted because you are chasing around toddlers, or maybe you are in the hospital having just delivered your second child and the doctor asks you if you want to be “done” with having kids, please take some time to prayerfully surrender to God’s leadership and direction in your family’s life, and let God choose your quiver size.
Finally, a wise mentor told me as a young bride that the two most important things you will ever give your child outside of introducing them to Christ Jesus,
is a strong marriage relationship
…and siblings.
Special Thanks to https://www.etsy.com/listing/123613905/discounted-price-archery-quiver-leather?ref=market
My pastor is the one who really helped me the most with the idea of HATS. Dr. Ted Seago is one of my all time heroes because he is not afraid of getting involved in the lives of his people, no matter how messed up we arrive. Today he illustrated in his message the idea that we all wear many hats, and I wanted to repost this article from a few years back.
This is dedicated to him. I love you PT!
Roles and Priorities
When you think of the roles you play, it can often change from day to day, sometimes several times a day. How do we prioritize our days when we wear so many different hats? We are mothers, wives, daughters, friends, employees, citizens, volunteers, aunts, sisters, etc. By focusing more on relationships than on to do lists, we are telling the people around us that they are the most important thing to us because our ACTIONS will show it.
The Weekly Compass
The weekly compass is what Stephen Covey writes about in his book, First Things First. It is a method I have been using for about 7 years now to keep my priorities in order on a weekly basis. A compass gives your life direction and focus. It is different than the clock, which tracks the time and things we do within that time frame. My weekly compass helps me keep in focus the most important assets in life, faith, family, and friendships.
The weekly compass works like this:
Every weekend, usually sometime between late Friday afternoon and Sunday night I schedule a “meeting with me”. My family knows that when they see me pick up my red zipper Daytimer planner, that I’m off to Starbucks for a couple of hours to set my compass for the following week.
Sharpen your saw:
The principle of sharpening the saw comes right out of scripture
“If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success.” Eccl. 10:10
The idea is that if we are not growing as a person and continually working on areas of our lives to improve, we are not best able to give to others. If our cup is continually empty, then we won’t have anything to give others. In order to sharpen your own saw, pick ONE thing you will do THIS week to improve your life in the areas of
• Physical
• Social / Emotional
• Mental
• Spiritual
After you have identified those areas, then write down seven roles (or HATS) you will wear THIS week. The hats may change from week to week, but it’s recommended that you don’t put on more than seven in one week so you can FOCUS.
My ROLES for this week are:
The NEXT step is for me to look at each role and ask myself ONE question.
What’s the most important thing I can do in this role this week?
Pick ONE thing. Not three or four, just one. Write it down. This is what Covey calls, your BIG rocks. If you are filling up a jar with large rocks and small rocks and you first put all the small rocks into the jar, you will not fit the large rocks in. Your ONE thing you wrote down is your BIG ROCK. Put those in your jar first, then all the little rocks will fit into place. If you are intentional about adding value into the lives of others, then all the thousands of “to-dos” will fall in to place as needed.
Relationships are the most important things in life, with God and others. Take some time to write out your own weekly compass!
Today is a very special day. Our first born son turns 21. There is something very significant when one reaches this milestone. Not only is it a milestone for him, but it’s a milestone for us as well. Our son Cameron, is one of the eight reasons why this blog was started in the first place. His life is a testimony to God’s faithfulness when you keep sowing with vision.
And now, at 6’4″ tall, he is a full grown man, who both loves Jesus and family with all his heart.
I can’t help but tear up….
After years of constant movement and more energy than could ever be explained, now he is pouring his life into young kids. Mentoring and shepherding them weekly, Cameron is more than a piano instructor, he’s also a life coach. By rewarding his students each week for their bible reading, listening skills, and practice, he understands the value of teaching the whole child ; the tangibles and the intangibles. The discipline and habits he has built in are an inspiration to me daily as I listen in to his lessons from my kitchen sink. I’m constantly challenged by him, without him even knowing, to reach higher. Now at 21, he has met the 10,000 hour rule in his field of study, piano. In the book Outliers, author Malcolm Gladwell says that it takes roughly ten thousand hours of practice to achieve mastery in a field. He continues to sow in his field of study, while also teaching others.
As a mom, watching the Lord move through him, encourages and inspires me as I pour into the younger kids, and to keep sowing with vision. Hosea 10:12
I encourage you today…to keep pouring out your life for your family. You won’t ever regret it.
Ever wonder why that mom of many who calls you her friend, won’t return your phone calls? Maybe she is the friend who keeps cancelling on you after sending in her RSVP to your child’s birthday party. Does she have your child’s shoes in her home and you just can’t figure out why she won’t return them to you? Or maybe you have already hosted her and her family in your home, but she never reciprocates the offer and you just can’t figure out why. I wrote this article five years ago when I had 7 kids living in my home. As season’s change and children grow, we can easily jump to the wrong conclusion when “that family” skips church, or is inconsistent in friendship. This is from my heart, my world, but it also may be you, or someone you love.
IF YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND
Know that…
I will disappoint you.
I don’t see every text message – sometimes my kids take my phone and read it before I see it and your message never makes it to me
I have 10,000 emails in my inbox. I scan daily for you, to see if you tried to ask me something or pass on a good deal, but if I don’t hit “reply” it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I may have seen it on my phone and haven’t yet figured out how to forward or reply from the Android. I still love you and want you to email.
When your child visits our home, If I hand them a broom, a lawn mower, or a bottle of Windex, and ask them to help us clean, it’s not so I have free help (though that is a perk to being your friend J ). I have kingdom work on the brain as they are cleaning and folding our laundry. I promise they will play way more than they fold clothes.
We have two dogs, and we don’t want any more pets.
At least not now.
If your cat has kittens and your pup has puppies, I’m happy to advertise for you and help you find them a home…just not mine. I still love you.
If you send your kids here to play and they leave shoes, jackets, or an article of clothing: I will have no idea which ones are yours or not and I cannot promise you that we will find it. There is a clothing black hole somewhere in our house. I’m not trying to take your things, I’m just overwhelmed. You are free to take anything out of my house you want to compensate.
My home phone is a necessary evil. I would cancel it I could, but I can’t. We never answer it, unless a kid happens to pass by. It is old, I won’t replace it. There are 160 voicemails on the phone starting from 10 months ago and now when you call and try to leave a message it says, “The mailbox is full”. I just can’t get to this, so the best way to reach me is email or texting my cell, or just knocking on my front door. If you left me a message on my home phone, I promise you I never heard it. I am not ignoring you, I still love you.
If you send your kids over to my home, they will get love and be watched carefully, however, I have teens and I can’t guarantee that there won’t be a stupid YouTube video on someone’s computer screen or a TV show with a rating you disapprove of. We do have filters on our computers.
I’m one mom, and have been outnumbered 7 times over. I depend on the Holy Spirit to watch my kids and to convict them of sin when my eyes do not catch something. I will love your kids the same.
Because so many children come in and out of my home, I sometimes forget someone is not my child and I may lecture your child or start into one of my “coaching” sessions at any given moment.
I hate chatty phone conversations, but I love you. If you need me, please call me and tell me why you need me. I am a horrible mind reader and do not know how to “read between the lines”. Just tell me, I will listen, and love you, and pray with you right there over the phone.
Please don’t call me if you are just bored and want to chit-chat. I’m not that kind of friend.
If your family invites my family over for dinner, I understand that the typical Southern courtesy is to reciprocate the offer. I REALLY want to do this. I love the IDEA of having people over. I would like to do it frequently. I’m often planning the meal I want to serve you, thinking of seating arrangements for all your kids. But somehow, my family has a calendar that I don’t always have control over and I can’t have your family over like I want. Be patient with me, I’m thinking about you.
If I RSVP to attend your shower, birthday party, or special event, and I do not attend barring family emergencies or unexpected hindrance.
I ask you for grace.
Because of the nature of our family dynamics, when you send me the invitation two weeks out, we all fully intend to come. Fatigue and work situations cannot always be forecasted and sometimes we have to back out of an RSVP. I think this is sinful, I know how hard you worked to prepare for us. I’m torn between propriety, and loving my husband and honoring him. I will make it up to you one day, I just don’t know how. Please give me grace. I’m praying for your event if we don’t show up.
I WANT you to invite me to your PARTIES, Mary Kay, Young Living, Discovery Toys, Electricity…ALL of IT! I love supporting home based businesses, the best way I support you is through promotion. I am 98% sure I won’t buy anything, even if I really love it. If you just need a warm body in the room and an enthusiastic promoter, I’m your gal. If you are trying to meet a quota, my feelings won’t be hurt if you don’t invite me.
We are a reformed Baptist family, and conservative Republicans. We talk openly about politics and religion in our home. Be forewarned.
I love to talk face to face, if you are busy like me, let’s go a walk together or have coffee or a margarita. I’m not too busy for you.
Please don’t think I’m too busy for friendship. I may be too busy to check voicemail or read all my emails, but that doesn’t mean I’m too busy for friends. I need you and I love you.
That’s me in a nutshell.
If you still want to be my friend, I’m so BLESSED! I love YOU! Let’s do LUNCH!!!
(This is me, but it may also be you, or someone you know. Take some time today to stop by THAT mom’s home. She’ll be glad you did! )
-Erin
RESPECT people who find time for you in their busy schedule, but LOVE people who never look at their schedule when you need them. ~author unknown
The mercy and grace bestowed upon us is overwhelming. Tucked deep in the book of Job is a verse revealing the magnitude of God’s mercy in light of our sinfulness.
“I sinned and perverted what was right, and it was not repaid to me. He has redeemed my soul from going down into the pit, and my life shall look upon the light” (Job 33:27–28 ESV).
In this passage, Elihu is describing a hypothetical man and his response to God’s great mercy. We relate. We see our testimony in this declaration. Our broken world reeks of sin. Our fleshly natures long to be fed with that which the world offers. We have been tempted and we have fed ourselves. We have taken the gifts of God and perverted them to fulfill our own desires. And yet we are forgiven.
“For as high as the heavens are above the earth, So great…
As parents, we’ve always communicated to our kids that we have an open door policy. It’s not just the standard, “You can tell us anything” policy, it’s more like, when they have an issue that they are processing, or a conflict with a sibling, they need to know that they can come to us and we will help them sort it out, without over-reacting. Keeping an open door policy means that we are always asking them questions.
How am I doing as a mother or father? What things do I do that makes you feel the most loved? How would you have handled that particular situation? What do you think God is teaching our family right now? Asking questions is a great way to keep those doors of communication wide open, and will keep their tender hearts coming back for more.
RESOLVING CONFLICT
Teaching our kids how to resolve conflict with one another has been one of the most effective ways to winning their hearts. In a home where ten different personality types live, conflict is unavoidable. We call our home, the laboratory for life and teach our sons that the way they treat their mother and sisters is the way they will one day treat their wives and daughters. Likewise to our daughters, the way they speak to their father and brothers is the way they will one day speak to their husbands and sons.
That is a sobering thought, but it’s true.
God in His grace has given us His WORD to teach us how to treat people and given us the FAMILY to practice on a daily basis. Parents have the unique opportunity while their children live under their roof to teach, train, and mentor them in conflict resolution.
THE HOT SEAT
There are times when a child sins, and we have found out about it, Joey and I bring them to what we call, “The hot seat”. The hot seat is where the offender sits, faced by both parents, and the sin is addressed. This is not the norm, we don’t implement the hot seat every time sometime disobeys, but rather, when a child reaches the age of around 12 to 16, and we believe that they need us both in order to “come clean”. The secret to the success of the hot seat is simple.
Maintain a united front
Use scripture as your guide
Take all the time you need
The goal of the hot seat is confession and repentance.
Sometimes the hot seat lasts for hours, with layers upon layers of deceit and offenses needing to be uprooted. Sometimes it only takes a few minutes. The end result has always been, that we win their hearts and build another brick in the wall of their character.
God has given us His word to show us how to love others. Seek to win your child’s heart and the actions will follow.
The alarm and the toddler both wake me up. I stumble to the coffee maker and reach for my cell phone to listen to the daily audible Bible, while loading a full dishwasher.
The morning was harried and stressful. It was the first day back to our weekly homeschool program after a long Christmas break. Each of my kids arise and are dressing for the day. Still dark outside, the air was piercingly frigid. We busily hunted for shoes, jackets, and backpacks while we frantically rushed to pack seven lunches.
7:30 am.
We arrive at our destination and start unloading the van.
As the kids make their way to chapel, I visit with other moms. So far, a normal day for us. My reluctant toddler decides school isn’t for her today, so I’m dealing with clinging hands, trying to coax her into her room.
My class starts in a few hours, and I spend the next hours researching and going over my notes so that I can prepare to teach.
When all of a sudden, my ordinary day instantly turns extraordinary by the presence of the living God…
Through a simple text.
It is now a monumental day…
11 am
My adult daughter, pregnant with her first baby, sends me a text following her very first visit to the midwife.
“I heard the heartbeat”.
The tears began streaming down my face.
My GRANDCHILD’S heart is beating strong!
How can I put this feeling into words?
The realization that your first born child, is carrying your first born grandchild.
Pure Joy inexpressible.
By the grace of God, I’ve carried to term and delivered eight healthy children over the past 21 years. I remember the posters on the wall of the doctor’s office where I was sitting when my husband and I heard my oldest child, Bethany’s, heartbeat for the very first time. I remember how we celebrated and wiped away the tears because God had given us the desire of our heart.
I remember that day and I will always remember today.
This extraordinary day.
When a text told me, that new life is here.
The heartbeat means just that….a heart is alive, and beating.
My prayer is that this child’s heart beat, will inspire others to continue to beat.
…That this child will send a message on the value of human life, from their tiny home, my daughter’s womb.
“Let the little children come unto me, and forbid them not, for such is the kingdom of heaven.” Matt 19:14
I wrote this story two years ago. In the summer of 2014 Temperance Chloe was born. She was born on the one year anniversary of the passing of a very significant Pro-Life bill that had passed the Texas Legislature HB2, which my church family and friends were deeply involved with in prayer circles and in Austin the year before. I believe the Lord will use this beautiful young life to speak to the nation about the sanctity of human life, and the value and worth of every heartbeat.
More good news!!! Today, March 22, 2016
I got another text….
“We have a strong heartbeat!” Yes, Grandbaby #2 arrives in October!
Government Officials? Military Generals? Naval officers? Company Presidents? Corporate Executives? Local Pastors or maybe even Little League Coaches?
How about Stay-at-home Moms?
Do you think of a Mom when you think of Leadership?
Do you think of yourself?
Why not?
Moms, you ARE all leaders in your home, and your TRIBE is watching you. Not only do you lead them daily as you help guide them through simple routines, but you are modeling for them how they are eventually to lead themselves. Yesterday I was visiting with a close friend, who has three young kids ages 5, 3, and 2. She didn’t see herself as a leader, and I told her that YES she was. She was leading those young hearts every day, and she was setting a Godly example to other moms of how to be a faithful wife, a caring friend, and a steadfast mother. Then my oldest son shared a quote he had just read by Brene Brown, in her best selling book, Daring Greatly…
“I believe a leader is anyone who holds her- or himself accountable for finding potential in others.” ~Brene Brown
Isn’t this the epitome of motherhood?
John Maxwell says that, “Everything rises and fall on leadership; the speed of the leader determines the speed of the pack.”
Recently, I was fortunate to be in the company of some amazing moms at a staff meeting for our local Classical Education program.
The director encouraged all of us to begin a personal enrichment plan in order to grow personally, academically, and spiritually. We were each challenged to identify the types of activities which recharge us and work to implement those activities weekly into our schedule. In order to grow as a leader, we need to develop ourselves in Body, Mind, and Soul. I recommend scheduling time every weekend to lay out what Stephen Covey teaches as the WEEKLY COMPASS, where instead of focusing on your to do list for the week, you first identify four different areas in your personal life that you can work to improve on, one thing at a time, followed by your 7 keys rolls each week. (More on that soon).
If mom as leader is working to improve herself on a regular basis, be it running on the treadmill, memorizing scripture, reading good books, working on a political campaign, or even taking online classes, then each of these things communicates to her children that we never “arrive” on the journey, we are always continuing to grow.
It’s called personal development. School doesn’t end at 12th grade, spiritual growth isn’t over at salvation, and health and wellness are a life style, not a passing phase.
I believe that anything worth doing, is worth doing well.
Including motherhood.
What can you do today that will recharge you? How do you weekly work on adding value to your own body, mind, and soul? Your children are watching you.
The speed of the leader determines the speed of the pack.
sowwithvision 